Question: Are there any blogs you subscribe to, besides mine? Well, I do. And one thing I’ve noticed about them is that they are consistent … there is continuity within their pages. They look good and sound, what I call, “normal.” There are guidelines and a clear topical formula.
I love reading a good blog. And I love being able to expect a certain thing from each of them at a certain and specific time.
Well, let me just tell you, I couldn’t write a blog like that for all the tea in China.
With me, the rules change a little.
I was interviewed by a state psychiatrist here in North Carolina once. Ken had to sit in with me, due to the difficulty the session brought. A one hour block of time turned into two, and one of the most painful, gut-wrenching sessions I have ever been a part of.
The state psychiatrist was a woman with a kind face. I just loved her, despite her evaluation. I could see my own pain reflected in her eyes as we spoke.
She asked Ken, “What time does Lee Ann get up in the morning?”
“No particular time,” he replied. “Alarm clocks make her anxious. So she just wakes up when her mind says she has had enough rest.”
He continued, “She does what makes her happy … But no more.”
Ken (God love him) rubbed my back as he spoke. I was slumped over in my chair, crying my head off … telling the two of them that life is too hard … can’t do it … sick … I am so sick.
My precious husband said, “it’s okay, Scooter. It’s okay.” (Scooter is the endearing nickname he’s given me.)
I took my fist over my head, slammed the poor woman’s desk, and screamed, “No it’s NOT OKAY! IT’S NOT OKAY TO BE THIS SICK!!”
When the session was over, the sweet doctor came around her desk, hugged me, and asked Ken if he would mind her walking with me to the car.
“Of course you can,” he replied.
You’d have thought I was a newborn baby the way she put me in my seat! With her arms still wrapped around me, she said, “You don’t worry about a thing. I am going to take care of you.”
Now back to square one and the message of today’s entry: I cannot be consistent or continuous … but I will do my best for you.
You have to remember, I am not your average bear. It’s hard to make an apple into an orange! Sometimes it’s best just not to try.
I pray God will enable my mind to function a little less chaotically as I try to deliver future blogs on a (more) timely, frequent basis.
Please pray for me …
I’m gonna need it.
Until next time, much love …